The first online dating profile I ever set up was on Ok Cupid when I was 21.I remember taking a lot of time on it — making sure to pick the exact words to describe exactly what I was looking for.I was lucky to learn that lesson early on in my dating life — that the perfect partner doesn’t exist, and you shouldn’t expect the people you’re dating to fit neatly into a box of “must haves.” But I took that idea a little too far, and completely abandoned my list completely, dating anyone and everyone who swiped right on me.I had fun for a while, and because I wasn’t looking for an exact “type,” I opened myself up to a lot of unique, exciting dudes.I went out with a whiskey distiller, a few investment bankers, a bunch of comedians, a carpenter who hung all of the shelves in my apartment, a tugboat captain (seriously), and spent an entire summer dating Australian men exclusively.
My recent dates have felt less like I’m auditioning men for a role in my life, and more like I’m just getting to know a new friend.
) But I’ve continued to date, lest I become the last female cousin in my family to get married — a fate all of my now-married-or-engaged cousins tell me is “no big deal,” but they’re not eager to swap places with me.
About three weeks ago, I realized that the past four dates I’d gone on had failed The Naked Test. But I didn’t want to get down and do the nasty with them.
This led me to the therapist’s chair, and then to eventually delete my dating apps.
Of course, I’ve made my triumphant return to the dating scene and have had many lovely experiences since — including a two-month long relationship with a guy which ended in a total clusterfuck.
So about a year ago, I decided that I would only pursue dates with men who were looking for a relationship. So I was left with guys who were genuinely interested in finding a partner and settling down — right? Because, as I’ve written before, saying you want a relationship and actually being in a relationship are actually two completely different things.